Advice On How to ‘Un-spoil’ A Child

Un-spoiling a kid takes some serious commitment from the parents.

The good news is that spoiled kids are made, not born. 

So un-spoiling is doable.

But don’t hold off on implementing these changes: The older the child, the more difficult it will be.

“Remember, there is no gene for spoiled,” Borba said. “It’s a learned behavior that can be unlearned — and the quicker, the better.”

# It won’t be an easy transition for you or your kid — so be prepared for that.

Commit to modifying your indulgent ways, knowing that it’s going to be uncomfortable to stand your ground. You should anticipate resistance from your child.

“Allow them to cry and be upset,” Markham said. “Empathize, while at the same time holding your limit and the expectation that your child will be able to handle your limit.”

# Get used to saying “no” without guilt.

Once you set your boundaries, you have to stick to them consistently.

“Add ‘no’ to your vocabulary and don’t feel guilty about using it with your kids,” Borba said. “Don’t let your child’s spoiled ways win. Don’t give into every issue.”

When setting limits, do so with empathy and understanding, Markham said. You don’t need to be a tyrant for these methods to be effective.

“Remember that children accept limits more gracefully if they feel warmly connected to the parent,” she said.

# Emphasize that giving is better than receiving.

“And start boosting the concept that who you are is more important than what you own,” Borba said.

# Practice gratitude as a family.

At the dinner table or before bedtime, Smith Crawford recommends spending a few minutes giving thanks for the non-material things in your lives.

“As a family, go around in a circle and name intangible things you are grateful for and one experience that day you were grateful for,” she said. “This is a great way to begin to teach gratitude and honoring the good in each day.”

# Teach them to be considerate of others.

When everything in your child’s life is “me, me, me,” shift the focus to “we.”

“Look for those everyday moments to do so,” Borba said. “Like, ‘Let’s ask Alice what she would like to do;’ ‘How do you think Daddy feels?’ ‘Ask your friend what he would like to play’ or ‘Let’s go volunteer at the soup kitchen.’”

# Remember that kids respond best to encouragement, not punishment.

“If you want your child to meet your expectation, ask yourself what kind of support your child needs to meet that expectation,” Markham said.

# Help them appreciate the little things in life.

Show them that there’s plenty of joy in the simple pleasures, like being in nature or spending quality time with family and friends.

“Finding daily time to play and connect with your children is one of the greatest things a parent can do to curb most behaviors,” Smith Crawford said.