鼓勵孩子良好行為的15個要領
ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOUR: 15 TIPS
資料來源https://familiesforlife.sg/parenting/Babies/Pages/BabiesDevelopment/BabiesBehaviour/Babies_Encouraging_Good_Behaviour.aspx
How to encourage good
behaviour in your child
A positive and constructive approach is often the best way to guide your
child’s behaviour. This means giving your child attention when he behaves well,
rather than just applying consequences when he does something you don’t like.
Here are some practical tips for putting this positive approach into action.
@ Be a role model 父母自己努力做為孩子榜樣
Use your own behaviour to guide your child. Your child watches you to get clues
on how to behave – and what you do is often much more important than what you
say. For example, if you want your child to say ‘please’, say it yourself. If
you don’t want your child to raise her voice, speak quietly and gently
yourself.
@ Show your child how you
feel 讓孩子知道父母的感覺
Telling your child honestly
how his behaviour affects you helps him see his own feelings in yours. And if
you start sentences with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to see things from
your perspective. For example, ‘I’m getting upset because there is so much
noise that I can’t talk on the phone’.
@ Catch your child being
‘good’當下贊美孩子的好行為
When your child is behaving
in a way you like, give her some positive feedback. For example, ‘Wow, you’re
playing so nicely. I really like the way you’re keeping all the blocks on the
table’. This works better than waiting for the blocks to come crashing to the
floor before you take notice and say, ‘Hey, stop that’.
This positive feedback is sometimes called descriptive
praise because it tells children specifically what they’re doing well. Try
to make six positive comments for every negative comment. And remember that if
children have a choice between no attention or negative attention, they’ll
often seek out negative attention.
@ Get down to your child’s
level以孩子的身高角度溝通
When you get close to your
child, you can tune in to what he might be feeling or thinking. Being close
also helps him focus on what you’re saying about his behaviour. If you’re close
to your child and have his attention, you don’t need to make him look at you.
@ Listen actively主動積極的傾聽與回應
To listen actively, you can
nod as your child talks, and repeat back what you think your child is feeling.
For example, ‘It sounds like you feel really sad that your blocks fell down’.
When you do this, it can help young children cope with tension and big emotions
like frustration, which sometimes lead to unwanted behaviour. It also makes
them feel respected and comforted. It can even diffuse potential temper
tantrums.
@ Keep promises永遠遵守對孩子的承諾
When you follow through on
your promises, good or bad, your child learns to trust and respect you. She
learns that you won’t let her down when you’ve promised something nice, and she
also learns not to try to change your mind when you’ve explained a consequence.
So when you promise to go for a walk after your child picks up her toys, make
sure you have your walking shoes handy. When you say you’ll leave the library
if your child doesn’t stop running around, be prepared to leave straight away.
@ Create an environment for
good behaviour創造讓孩子表現好行為的環境
The environment around your child can influence his behaviour, so you can shape
the environment to help your child behave well. This can be as simple as making
sure your child’s space has plenty of safe, stimulating things for him to play
with. Make sure that your child can’t reach things he could break or that might
hurt him. Your glasses look like so much fun to play with – it’s hard for
children to remember not to touch. Reduce the chance of problems by keeping
breakables and valuables out of sight.
@ Choose your battles選擇適當的介入時機
Before you get involved in
anything your child is doing – especially to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ – ask yourself
if it really matters. By keeping instructions, requests and negative feedback
to a minimum, you create less opportunity for conflict and bad feelings. Rules are important, but use
them only when it’s really important.
@ Be firm about whining當孩子胡亂哭鬧時要保持堅定
If you give in when your
child is whining for something, you can accidentally train her to whine more.
‘No’ means ‘no’, not maybe, so don’t say it unless you mean it.
@ Keep things simple and
positive讓教導孩子的方法保持簡單而正向
If you give clear
instructions in simple terms, your child will know what’s expected of him – for
example, ‘Please hold my hand when we cross the road’. And positive rules
are usually better than negative ones, because they guide your child’s
behaviour in a positive way. For example, ‘Please shut the gate’ is better than
‘Don’t leave the gate open’.
@ Give children
responsibility – and consequences讓孩子負責任與接受後果
As your child gets older,
you can give her more responsibility for her own behaviour. You can also give
her the chance to experience the natural
consequences of that behaviour. You don’t have to be the bad guy all the time.
For example, if it’s your child’s responsibility to pack her lunch box and she
forgets, the natural consequence is feeling hungry at lunch time.
At other times you might need to provide consequences for unacceptable or
dangerous behaviour. For these times, it’s best to ensure that you’ve explained
the consequences and that your child has agreed to them in advance.
@ Say it once and move on給予一次明確的指示並提醒孩子可能的後果
If you tell your child what
to do – or what not to do – too often, he might end up just tuning out. If you
want to give him one last chance to cooperate, remind him of the consequences
for not cooperating. Then start counting to three.
@ Make your child feel
important讓孩子覺得自己身為家庭一分子很重要
Give your child some simple
chores or things that she can do to help the family. This will make her feel
important. If you can give your child lots of practice doing a chore, she’ll
get better at it, feel good about doing it, and want to keep doing it. And if
you give her some praise for her behaviour and effort, it’ll help to build her
self-esteem.
@ Prepare for challenging situations對可能發生的挑戰情境事先做好安排準備
There are times when looking
after your child and doing things you need to do will be tricky. If you think
about these challenging situations in advance, you can plan around
your child’s needs. Give him a five-minute warning before you need him to
change activities. Talk to him about why you need his cooperation. Then he’s
prepared for what you expect.
@ Maintain a sense of humour父母要學習在教導中保持幽默感
It often helps to keep daily
life with children light. You can do this by using songs, humour and fun. For
example, you can pretend to be the menacing tickle monster who needs the toys
picked up off the floor. Humour that has you both laughing is great, but humour
at your child’s expense won’t help. Young children are easily hurt by parental
‘teasing’.
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